A letter to Blossari
(AN: this is in NO way me, Kimber Fool McIdiot, going off on the writing or character of the DM or his story. This is Az, the character, facing a moral dilemma and attempting to work though it with his own mind. I’m not asking these questions as Kimber, and answering them to Kimber wouldn’t help. Az needs the guidance of someone who thinks like him, or at least understands him, and that’s why he’s writing to Blossari) '' ''(AN: I do feel bad that I’m absolutely writing a 900-word essay based on the like, three probably improv-ed lines Alex said to me in one or two throwaway scenes but that’s the nature of me as a fic author whoops) ' ' Father, I hope this letter finds you well, and restful in your retirement. I’ve had quite some adventures lately, so I write to you in assurance that at least at the time of this sending, I’m alright, and at the House of Lords, and intending to be alright for the time being. It’s dangerous times, and it’s important to check in with those you love. But I’ll admit I have another purpose in sending you this. I have some questions. During my trials- remind me to tell you more about those later, when we’re together- there were a number of visions, messages. They were lessons, perhaps even sermons of sorts, though certainly more concise than any of yours. Most of them were actually quite similar to yours, though- I do believe that the gatekeeper War (now my good friend), would be quite proud of your sermons. But. I know that War is about balance. I paid that much attention, at least. There is balance in attack and defense, speed and toughness, loss and win. I am not lost by the two sides. What loses me is the space in between. War made me pick between you and the old Xenocide generals. I tried to save you, of course, but when Mother and Matriarch Zypsis came for you instead, our lord War attempted to tell me I should not have tried at all. Later there was another choice, and I made it unwillingly. The choice doesn’t matter- what matters was that when it became clear that I could save both, War punished me for my hubris. What He said was that compromise is not a part of War. But is not compromise, and mediation of choice, the essence of War’s balance. My role in the coming war (with a little w) will be difficult, and I’ll need help from you and anyone else at my back. I’m not asking for your blade; what I’m asking, I suppose, is for advice. You’ve studied War’s teachings for longer than I, and while perhaps Thalia could answer just as well, I feel that you’d know the student a touch better than her. War is a balance. For good to exist, so must evil. But I cannot believe that the scales must ever level with weight on both sides. If there is an opportunity to stop evil, should not we take it? If there is good to be done, should not the good do it? Would not the evil do the same to us? Obviously in war we must pick our priorities well, and perhaps that was the only message my friend War was attempting to transmit, during that first vision. But I cannot abide by the idea of letting opportunities to do good, to save, go by simply in the name of balance. I understand my overreaching in the second vision, my folly in my attempt to gain extra and losing all instead. The lesson there was on commitment, on finishing what you start. But even if my second vision was an example of “compromise” (and I’m not sure I believe it is), I cannot see the wrong in it. I, and all, should think through the risks they take, sure. But is it not right to take opportunities to do more? Is a war general to pass by an unexpected opening, simply because she already committed to a direct strike? And are not “balance” and “compromise” nearly synonyms? If we aim for good and evil, agree and disagree, balance, isn’t compromise necessary? Must we truly fight to the death on all things, simply by the assumption that our enemies will do the same? And how is peace ever to be achieved, without compromise or total slaughter? Genocide seems antithetical to all of War’s teachings. Cannot War be allowed to balance with itself, with peace? I realize that perhaps while I lose myself is that I watch the scales from one side of them. War seemed to want to me stand in the middle of good and evil, of chaos and order. I always considered myself righteous- but perhaps a true soldier of War is not good. I want so desperately to live up to War’s expectation, and yet.. While I love both you and our Lord Gatekeeper quite ardently [ ;) ], the concept of bringing chaos and evil into the world just to balance the good terrifies me. Surely that cannot be what He is asking. I don’t think… If I am being asked to be a Harbinger of evil and corruption as well as good, I do not believe I want to be a Harbinger at all. I apologize, I didn’t mean to ramble like this. I don’t know when this will reach you, or if you’ll be able to reply at all. I have a long road ahead of me, and I simply want to be sure I’m walking the right side of it. Keep an eye on Crow for me, even if he doesn’t want you to. I’m sure you can guess at the danger we’re both in. I trust our garden is doing well in my absence- keep it that way. Kiss mother for me. As long as Fate allows, and as soon as Time concedes, I will return to you. With Glory, Blade Guardian Chosen, Lieutenant, acolyte, High Harbinger of War, and your favorite son, Az.